Why Didn’t You Tell Us?

Photo by Hannah Olinger on Unsplash

I can hear them now:

“Cancer?!? Why didn’t you tell us?” 

They continue: 

“You shouldn’t have had to go through this alone!”

Trust me, I wasn’t alone. There were times when far too many people knew far too much about certain details of my life. I had many people besides my medical team and my family who knew and were supporting me.

But I didn’t tell you.

“We wish you would have told us, we could have done something for you!”

You, my friends, were part of a carefully selected team, chosen for a special assignment: the task of being unaware, of which you were, appropriately enough, unaware!

 • • • • •

No matter your background, you have likely been in some kind of intensive learning situation. You were led by teachers or professors or instructors, aided by student teachers or teaching assistants or mentors, surrounded by classmates. During this time, you focused on the task at hand: mastering the materials, figuring out the philosophies, coming to the conclusions. When the class or seminar was over, that was it! You went to the local gathering spot and talk turned to everyday matters. School was out!

The cancer journey has many similarities. Your doctors are your professors; the nurses and techs are the teaching assistants; family, friends, and other patients are your classmates. You focus on the task at hand: mastering the medical terminology, figuring out the pharmaceuticals, coming to the clinics. However, in Cancerland, you don’t get to leave the classroom. 

 • • • • •

When we all got together, online of course, due to the times in which we were living:

You talked about the latest
documentary you enjoyed

I didn’t mention that
I had watched a video
about what to expect after surgery

You shared what you did
with your kids and grandkids last weekend 

I didn’t mention that
I had gone to bed early to
catch up on sleep to help my body heal

You told us about
the interesting book that you read

I didn’t mention that
I had read all the inserts
that came with my medications

You thrilled us with tales of
the fascinating places you traveled

I didn’t mention that
I had traveled to
yet another medical appointment 

Also, due to the times in which we were living,
you tossed around phrases like 
pandemic and PCR test,
vaccine and variant,
mandates and masking

I didn’t mention
that my new vocabulary
was all about cancer

 • • • • •

A definition from dictionary.com:
respite - (noun) 1. a delay or
cessation for a time, especially of
anything distressing or trying;
an interval of relief.

• • • • •

You wish you could have done something for me. 

You did. 

Even though I couldn’t leave the Cancerland classroom, our time online together gave me much needed respite.

That was your precious gift to me, dear ones, and for that, I thank you.

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