Ode to Current Screening Technology

with apologies to the late Ted Geisel
aka Dr. Seuss

Mammogram
Gram-o-mamm

That mammogram!
That mammogram!
I do not like that mammogram!

I would not like one here or there.
I would not like one anywhere.

You should get one. It might be free.
They find the lumps you cannot see,
Lumps so tiny, lumps that we
Cannot ignore, cannot let be

Get one! Get one! Here they are.
Go by bus or go by car
You shouldn’t have to travel far
Might even come to where you are

But tender parts the tech will cram
Between two plates and down they slam
Feel like a sacrificial lamb
Want to shout out… some strong words

Can’t I just get a sonogram?
Can I with my insurance ma’am?

A sonogram has soothing gel
Might be warmed with pleasant smell
Doesn’t make you want to yell
Or scream out loudly… more strong words

At present time appears it’s best
To get the mammographic test
Maybe some year beyond today
Research will find a better way

If a spot the -gram does show
Chance of problems is quite low

May have to get another test
You better go and get some rest

Not good for you to sit and stew
While waiting word to come to you
If good results, you breathe out, “Phew!”
If not, you’ll have to follow through

With your doc always discuss
They study what is best for us

Do question them, they are not gods
But they will help us beat the odds

O mammogram!
O mammogram!
I still don’t like the mammogram!

But I will get one, check the box
Although my stomach feels like rocks
I’d rather be put in the stocks
Put on my shoes after my socks

Maybe wear a favorite blouse
I will go and leave my house
As I fuss and as I grouse
All my worries I must douse

I’ll get a mammo here or there
Can get one almost anywhere.

Early detection is the plan
Thank you!
Thank you, mammogram!

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